I nearly forgot until about 2 minutes after I woke up. So I went online to check the nominees and was ready to go through the usual motions of congratulating the Academy for recognizing something worthwhile and then shake my fist in anger at a piece of crap getting multiple nominations. This is an annual tradition and this year was no different, I really need to stop caring.
Years from now Oscar historians like myself will note 2011 as the first and possibly only year that 9 films were nominated for best picture. Since the Academy decided on expanding the choices beyond 5, there was no specification that it had to be ten nominees. This rule I even forgot about so it wasn’t until a few hours later that I had to double check and see that only 9 films were nominated, which makes it the first time ever that this has happened, history in the making folks.
Now the good of the bunch
For some mind boggling reason Tree of Life was given a best picture nomination. It doesn’t matter that it was the best reviewed film of the year by a mile, I’m still surprised that something this avant-garde got nominated for the top prize. We can look at this as the Academy’s yearly reminder that they might not be as out of touch as we’ve come to think they are. After all my expectations of them to honor tripe is so high that I was indeed surprised that an actual great film this odd was recognized. Now does it have a chance of winning, probably not but hey here’s hoping.
The Artist got I believe 9 nominations and many people think it is a frontrunner for best picture. I’m not so sure, but if it won it would be the first foreign film to ever win the top prize. Now this would be ironic because it isn’t a traditional foreign film, and isn’t a foreign “language” film so it’s hard to say if this film wins would it end 8+ decades of prejudice to subtitles. I wouldn’t object at all to the film winning, it would also be the first silent film to win the award since Wings, which certainly would make things interesting (and don’t bother pointing out whether this is a “true” silent film).
The Descendants, Moneyball, and Midnight in Paris are all worthy films that didn’t shock me too much. It’s been a damn long time since a Woody Allen film was nominated for best picture so congrats to him even though I know he could probably care less. I liked the Payne film a lot and enjoyed Moneyball so not going to get too bent out of shape with them. Scorsese’s Hugo was fairly well received and well it leads all nominations so not shocked but personally I could care less about the film.
Now for the bad, and it gets bad
War Horse was directed by Steven Spielberg. It doesn’t matter if virtually no critics put it in their top ten, or whether it got overly positive reviews, it is a historical epic directed by the lord and master of Hollywood. He can take a dump on celluloid and as long as it’s a period piece it’ll probably at least get a best picture nomination, especially now that you can nominated more than 5 films. I’ve seen it and yeah bit of a disappointment. There are some painfully “Spielbergian” moments that will make you cringe but ultimately I can’t say the film was bad, just wasn’t any good.
Next up is The Help, oh man yeah . This film came out a little earlier than most of the nominees and seemed like it could get some attention. Since The Golden Globes are well known for their complete and baffling lack of taste it didn’t surprise me that this was nominated for a whole bunch of stuff. So I made a point of watching it now that the DVD/Blu-Ray is out. For those of you who don’t know already, I HAVE to see every film nominated for best picture, it’s an obsession. The only films ever nominated I haven’t seen are The Patriot (which is no longer in existence) as well as East Lynn and The White Parade, and if you’ve seen those films let me know where I can find them. So I watched this and was offended. Not for any of it’s specific politics but because this film was just bad. This is controversial in the same way Driving Miss Daisy was and this is honestly just garbage. Of course in some circles if you just mention the words Civil Rights in a movie it doesn’t matter what it is about chances are someone will think it deserves an Oscar. I wonder why that new aviation movie about black fighter pilots in WWII wasn’t nominated, oh that’s right because the main character wasn’t white. Take a look at the history of these historical civil rights films from Mississippi Burning to Ghost to Driving Miss Daisy and you’ll see that all of them have someone whose white as the main character. Doesn’t matter if that character is forgettable. Hell even A Time to Kill and Amistad were starring vehicles for Mathew MacConaughey. So my point is yet again is offensive white take on a black issue that seems better suited for a Lifetime made for TV movie or better yet an article in Good Housekeeping. Wonder what this film could have been like in Spike Lee’s hands.
Now for the worst of the worst, and I mean that quite literally, Stephen Daldry’s Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close. Now on Rotten Tomatoes the film has a 48% rating including 62 Rotten ratings. This would make it not only the worst reviewed film of this years best picture nominees, but the worst reviewed film nominated for best picture in the past decade (I haven’t gone further back than Chocolat). Even audiences gave it a 67% rating, so clearly I wonder who the hell was voting for this film? Seeing how bad the film was reviewed, including both major Chicago newspapers I had no desire to see it. Since it was directed by manipulative shit master extraordinaire Stephen Daldry I had even less desire to go see it, but there it was reeking like a steaming hot pile of fresh dog crap on your newly shampooed carpet for me to find in the morning. Knowing my obsession I had to see it, and I wasn’t happy about it.
So I looked up showtimes, and figured let’s check it out. Since a DVD-screener hasn’t been leaked yet (yes I would have much, much, rather preferred to steal this film than give it my money) I figured a close-by matinee would be the next best thing. I kinda wish that matinee was cheaper than $8 but I had a free popcorn and soda coupon so I figured that’d make up for it. As always when you catch a matinee in the middle of the week the only people who go to see it with you are the elderly, probably in the same boat as me seeing the nominees and figuring if Tom Hanks, Sandra Bullock, and Max Von Sydow are in it, then it can’t be that bad right?
Before the film there is the usual commercials which they call “First Look”. Afterwards came previews, no less than 6 of them, I’m not joking 6 fucking previews for a movie. Now maybe it’s a sign of the apocalypse, I know that the first quarter brings out the worst of the studios films, but good god the movies I saw trailers for looked painful. Madonna directing a movie about the King of England abdicating the throne for his mistress (which could have been worthwhile if they kept Guy Pearce in the role he played in King’s Speech). There was also that awful looking movie about whales stuck in the Arctic, a musical about hair metal (which surprisingly looked good by comparison), and at least three movies based on Nicholas Sparks novels.
Well maybe this sullied my mood a bit, but what do you expect, they release crap in droves this time of year, so it’s forgivable, besides free popcorn and soda can go a long way to perk up my spirits. Then came the film itself. I expected nothing less than pretentious manipulative “PLEASE GIVE ME AN OSCAR” posturing as Daldry’s filmography would indicate. I should probably point out now that Billy Elliot was halfway decent but certainly didn’t deserve the best director nomination it inexplicably got. The Hours was overly depressive garbage that tried to be profound in some way but failed 2/3 of the time. The Reader was again trying to manipulate people about their feelings of the Holocaust and was a sad attempt to guilt trip viewers into giving it an Oscar otherwise they would be heartless Nazi sympathizers.
Alright Daldry was at a disadvantage here, I’ll admit it. Nevertheless I tried to keep an open mind. After all there had to be some reason the film was nominated. I’ve found myself pleasantly surprised sometimes by films I had no desire to see. In 2008 when Frost/Nixon was nominated I begrudgingly dragged myself to a similar matinee like this and found the film pretty damn enjoyable, not best picture material but a very pleasant surprise. So we start the film by showing Tom Hanks as dad of the year and all these crazy “expeditions” ok it’s cute this kid is clearly far more advanced than any child we’re likely to see and Hanks is clearly god in the flesh. Not going to get too bent out of shape. Then comes the tragedy, or as Oskar Schell calls it “The worst day”. We get messages on an answering machine played that get revealed later and later and at some point in time who cares? We’re already being manipulated, from the trailer we know the dad died, this is just a way of letting us all reflect on “where we were then” as little Thomas recalls his own early exit from school.
I’ll spare you a scene by scene breakdown but there are a few more extreme flaws I have with the film. For starters Max Von Sydow shows up far too late. I was curious to see him, and frankly a little amazed he’s still alive, but I said the same thing ten years ago when he showed up in Minority Report. Now I believe this was based on a book, but why the hell is he a mute? I mean come on who comes up with this crap, next thing you’re going to tell me is Rachel McAdams was in a car accident and forgot the last five years of her life and doesn’t realize that Channig Tatum is really her husband that she’s in love with (oh wait that was preview I saw for a movie, yep that’s actually being released in theaters, enjoy). Ok so Hollywood is retarded sometimes, the fact that he was in Germany in WWII and in the Dresden bombing is manipulative tripe yet again.
I figure this is how the filmmakers are thinking:
Producer/executive 1: “You know what was tragic, 9/11”
Producer/executive 2: “Yeah so was the Holocaust”
1: Didn’t we make a Holocaust movie already?
2: Yeah The Reader, we got nominated but lost to that Indian movie about Who Wants to be a Millionaire.
1: Damn, what if we combined the two?
2: Well people might not want both tragedies at once.
1: Maybe, well surely there’s more bad stuff that happened in Europe right?
2: Well WWII happened, people make movies about that.
1: Yeah but something specific.
2: Oh wait, I know I remember reading this book in my English class about this Slaughterhouse, anyways there was a big bombing at Dresden and killed like the whole damn village.
1: Damn Nazis have no shame.
2: Actually I think it was the Allies that did the bombing.
1: Hmm but you say it was tragic?
2: Yeah pretty much.
1: Cool how about if the old man can’t talk because he was traumatized by it?
2: I like the way you think, let’s do it.
1: Great, now let’s get back to making that film where Adam Sandler plays his sister.
Now forgive me if this didn’t happen the way I imagined it, but that’s how I view the situation. Von Sydow got a best supporting actor nomination, which they should rename the “Guess whose not dead nomination?” The same thing happened to Peter O’Toole a few years ago for Venus. I love Von Sydow, but he really didn’t do much here, but whatever I hope he beats that fat douche Jonah Hill who really, really didn’t deserve his nomination, but that’s another topic.
The other scene I wanted to mention and the point at which I officially said this film can go to hell was when little Oskar wakes up his mother to tell her not to bury him underground. He then goes on a tirade yelling and screaming like an annoying brat and ultimately tells her something we’ve all expected since the beginning of the film, “I wish it was you”. Yep he said it, he prefers his legendary and Christ like father to his boring mother. Hell I’d prefer hanging out with Tom Hanks over Sandra Bullock too, but you can see this scene coming a mile away and when it arrives you just cringe, not because of it’s emotional intensity but because it’s fucking stupid and manipulative. At this point I started wondering whether this was the worst film I’ve seen in a movie theater.
By the end of the film I couldn’t get out enough. Oskar is scared of everything, he whines and cries like a little kid, and even the great mystery of the key turns out to be a letdown. Oh so “The Renter” as Von Sydow’s character is named is really his grandfather, oh wow didn’t see that one coming, please. I’ll have you know that Halloween 2 is still the worst film I’ve ever seen in a movie theater, that’s a dishonor that will take years to surpass, but at least that film has nudity. This film is just crap and insulting crap at that. I know some of you will see it because you’re like me and need to see every film nominated, but if you don’t have that horrible obsession don’t ever see this movie it’s absolutely awful.
Oh and why the hell wasn't Michael Fassbender nominated for Shame? I'll bitch about the rest of the nominees later, that's all for now.
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